I have not done a blog in a very long time. I could blame it on kids, school, household duties, and many other things, but really I just have not been in the mood. Finding the silence these days has been so challenging, that I feel like I have lost myself in trying to do other things for everyone else. I have not had a chance to just stop and reflect on what I have been doing, and really what God has been doing in me. In not knowing "me" much these days, what is there I can write about?
It is my own fault for allowing the business of everyday to become too much, and that I do not seem to be able to find time for me. I sat down this evening and thought about a few things for the first time in months. Not about kids, husband, college, cornerstone, cross middle school, parents, inlaws, friends, messy house- just what am I feeling like right now, and to really pray for the first time in days.
After I was done praying I received a call that validated something I have been struggling with for days, and not taking it to God like I should have. My middle child, my golden girl, the one child I thought would always do great at the school she is at, is ready to be pulled now and placed in public school. It has been so hard on all of us. She has made wonderful friends and has come to know more about her faith while at this school, but no longer is it a place of joy, peace, and learning for her. Many things have contributed to this, and I am not going to start listing them all now. I will say though, that my daughter no longer feels at home or safe to express herself there. Sad.
College has been going good this semester, although it is draining on me to be taking so many hours at once. I have felt that my personal beliefs have come under attack by my teacher and my peers. They are all Liberals and are very vocal about their beliefs. I try to be quite and not get wrapped up in the long bashing of Republicans that happens, but I am now thinking I should speak up as a light. I should say how I feel marriage should be kept between a man and a woman, and that abortion is not a choice. Freedom of speech should not be just allowed by the Liberals. Why should I be afraid to speak up to defend my values against those attacking them?
Today is my little boys 3rd birthday, and we went to the Pima Air and Space Museum where every little boys dreams come true (as far as he is concerned) He had a blast! It is so hard to believe that he is already 3 years old! Time flies for me these days. Soon my Micah will be a man with a wife and kids of his own, and I just want to slow everything down and get to know him before he grows. Everyday with him is such a blessing that God has given me, and he also keeps me laughing (although not usually at the time) From getting the traffic cone stuck on his head in a parking lot, to bringing the garden hose into my kitchen and turning it on while I was using the bathroom, or uprooting all my house plants so he could bury his cars in the dirt, or waking up really early and sneaking up to my side of the bed to scare me awake. These are all things I can laugh about now. My girls have grown so quickly and I just want to tell all of them to please slow down and enjoy these years. They are the best ones of their lives and God has blessed them all so much.
Anyways, that is all for now. I must get back to doing the busy stuff now.
