In the Midst of Finding the Silence

I have not done a blog in a very long time. I could blame it on kids, school, household duties, and many other things, but really I just have not been in the mood. Finding the silence these days has been so challenging, that I feel like I have lost myself in trying to do other things for everyone else. I have not had a chance to just stop and reflect on what I have been doing, and really what God has been doing in me. In not knowing "me" much these days, what is there I can write about?

It is my own fault for allowing the business of everyday to become too much, and that I do not seem to be able to find time for me. I sat down this evening and thought about a few things for the first time in months. Not about kids, husband, college, cornerstone, cross middle school, parents, inlaws, friends, messy house- just what am I feeling like right now, and to really pray for the first time in days.

After I was done praying I received a call that validated something I have been struggling with for days, and not taking it to God like I should have. My middle child, my golden girl, the one child I thought would always do great at the school she is at, is ready to be pulled now and placed in public school. It has been so hard on all of us. She has made wonderful friends and has come to know more about her faith while at this school, but no longer is it a place of joy, peace, and learning for her. Many things have contributed to this, and I am not going to start listing them all now. I will say though, that my daughter no longer feels at home or safe to express herself there. Sad.

College has been going good this semester, although it is draining on me to be taking so many hours at once. I have felt that my personal beliefs have come under attack by my teacher and my peers. They are all Liberals and are very vocal about their beliefs. I try to be quite and not get wrapped up in the long bashing of Republicans that happens, but I am now thinking I should speak up as a light. I should say how I feel marriage should be kept between a man and a woman, and that abortion is not a choice. Freedom of speech should not be just allowed by the Liberals. Why should I be afraid to speak up to defend my values against those attacking them?

Today is my little boys 3rd birthday, and we went to the Pima Air and Space Museum where every little boys dreams come true (as far as he is concerned) He had a blast! It is so hard to believe that he is already 3 years old! Time flies for me these days. Soon my Micah will be a man with a wife and kids of his own, and I just want to slow everything down and get to know him before he grows. Everyday with him is such a blessing that God has given me, and he also keeps me laughing (although not usually at the time) From getting the traffic cone stuck on his head in a parking lot, to bringing the garden hose into my kitchen and turning it on while I was using the bathroom, or uprooting all my house plants so he could bury his cars in the dirt, or waking up really early and sneaking up to my side of the bed to scare me awake. These are all things I can laugh about now. My girls have grown so quickly and I just want to tell all of them to please slow down and enjoy these years. They are the best ones of their lives and God has blessed them all so much.

Anyways, that is all for now. I must get back to doing the busy stuff now.

It is New Years Day!!

Wow! It seems the older I get the faster the years fly by. New Years Eve now finds me in bed by 9:30. My father in Law called last night to ask if we going to a party because he would watch the kids, and I ended up laughing at him at the very idea of myself staying up till midnight at a party.

Jordan comes home tomorrow. She had a great visit with her grandparents and got everything she wanted for Christmas. Every American Girl doll item she ever wanted. Now it is back to mommy and daily life. I know I have gripped about it before in a post, but it is not fair that they have this super wonderful fun filled time and she dreads coming home to boring old mommy. I try to explain to her that if she actually lived there it would not be all fun. But a couple of weeks ago she came to me and actually said she really wanted to live with them and my heart just broke. I know it was because she was grounded at the time and had a really hard time with her sister, but still those words are eating at me.

My little boy is drinking from the toilet. I am not sure where he learned it because we do not have a dog, and my cats are too stuck up to drink from a toilet. We have been keeping the lid down and it has been cleaned extra good, but I still find him in there, with head in toilet. Nasty! I looked into toilet locks, but he has learned how to take them off. Any suggestions?

Husband still has an open 2 inch gash on his back that I have to clean out and repack each morning. It is about a half inch deep. At least it is less infected and he is no longer in much pain. Only 2 more weeks and it should be closed and I can hang up my nurse hat. I was upset at him yesterday morning and found myself packing in the gauze a bit to hard. He has now learned to gauge my mood before the changing of the back.

Happy New Year!!!

who's idea was it anyways?

I started out my morning last Tuesday feeling great in spite of it being rainy and cold outside. I was invited by a good friend to go eat breakfast with her kiddos and my Micah. It sounded like Heaven to get to have a home cooked type meal without the mess in my kitchen and also to enjoy spending time talking to another adult.

I arrive at the Village Inn on time (something I really love to do) get my handsome son out of the car. I had brought a few toys, diaper, and a book to entertain the child that I just knew was going to be a doll the whole time. After sitting down at the table and strapping him into his highchair. My jewel of a child decided to lose his mind. It was food, cups and paper a flying. He was making as much noise as his sweet lungs could make. I opened up a sugar packet and poured it on the table hoping to entertain him, but instead he looked like he had been to a Hollywood party! Sugar up the nose! Needless to say that no real adult talk was achieved, but I was not too discouraged because after the meal and chasing my son all over the restaurant, my friend still wanted to hang out with me. My son had not caused her to go running to the hills. Her kids were perfect the whole time mine was going nuts. She still had a peaceful look on her face that clearly read that she was glad it was mine and not hers acting up. You all know the look.

So, she mentioned going to Target to do a little shopping for a party she was going to have, and I said yes. In my head I was thinking how bad could it be, Micah will be strapped in the cart and maybe I can get some Christmas shopping done. HA

I walked into Target looking sane. I had my 3 inch boots on and a nice sweater and was feeling pretty good about myself. My son went quietly into the cart and I buckled him right in with little problem.

I went down a few isles looking at things my children would enjoy getting as stocking stuffers and Micah was busy going through my purse. I went down the book area and let him pick a CARS book to take his mind off of throwing my personal items on the ground. He was starting to get a bit restless and I knew I was now on borrowed time. I needed to move my butt! I needed to get Micah some baby wash and I wanted to get some Mr Bubble for his bath time. He loves bubbles in the water!

I had about half of my cart full and was looking at the candles when I looked back at Micah I saw that he had opened the bottle of Mr Bubble and had poured it over everything in the cart and himself. and trying to clean it up I ended up covered in the watermelon smelling suds. (again I am in heals!) Time to leave Target, son is screaming from soap in eyes and from me spanking his bottom in the store. I bought all the items he had poured the Mr. Bubble on and hurried out to my car. People were staring at the crazy lady covered in Mr. Bubble and the screaming kid. You know the look of pity when you see it, and also the look of "why can't people control their kids". I HATE THOSE STARES

I get to my car with the cart and my son. I put Micah down to unlock the door and he takes off like a bull is chasing him. I run after him leaving cart purse and keys at car. Again 3 inch heels, pouring down rain, and Mr. Bubble all over my feet. I am slipping and sliding all over and leaving a trail of bubbles in my path. My son is having no trouble in his great escape. After 4 or 5 lanes, and nearly getting hit 2 times by cars, I grab the back of my sons shirt and pull him down into a huge muddy puddle. I am beyond rational thinking by now. My friend is still in the store having her own horrible time because her kids were needing bathroom breaks and trying to escape themselves. They had had enough of being good I finally got Micah safely strapped into his car seat. He is muddy and screaming. Now I am laughing at the whole thing. How must I have looked to those people who were watching? bubbles mud and rain.

I learned two important things:

1. All I want for Christmas is a harness for my boy!

2. No more shopping with Micah till he is older. Much much older

On a different note, I went to a wonderful Christmas party on Saturday. No kids!!!!!! So I did get my adult conversations in. I am going to try to attach a video and pic from that night. I made the cheer filled punch and it tasted just dandy. Which will explain the video a bit. Allison's and her husband looked so nice that I am also attaching their photo.

My husband is having an operation on Tuesday and I am a bit scared about it. It is on his spine and so I am asking for prayers please.

where has the time gone...

I have been gone from my blog site for so long that I forgot the password and then I was wondering if I even had a thing to say that was worth trying to find the password at all.

Here I am so I guess I do have something to say after all.

I have just a few minutes before I have to run off to my next errand. I have been doing so much better about not signing up for new things and taking things off my plate to be able to spend time at home with the kids more.

Micah started preschool one day a week, and although there has been a bit of drama at drop off, it is such a huge blessing to me to go home and study (sleep) for a few hours.

I am the Proud owner of my Associates degree!!!! I can't use it for a darn thing yet till I get my Bach. in a year and a half, but still it is a milestone. I am the first on my dads side of the family to even get a degree, and on my moms side there is one other person. I feel proud. I decided to throw myself a little graduation party after the holidays are over. Maybe a happy hour at applebees type thing.

Homeschooling is going great, but I am trying to get Aspen in Orange Grove Middle school for next year. My class load will be 13 semester hours and I am thinking I will not ba able to take on Aspen as well. She is excited about it though. I think she may be sick of hanging with old mom.

OK, so I posted, but I do have to run. I will post more later!!

my hero

School has started for me!!! I am so excited and overwhelmed at the same time. I love going to school and learning. I feel so good when I am reading a textbook and taking notes. I am a true nerd at heart! It is something I can deal with. I also have a grade point average of 3.75 (not bragging or anything:)

Other things going on in my house..... I started a "No TV on school nights" rule around my house, and so I am no longer the favorite parent of the house. I am not sad about it though. All good things must come to an end, and my husband is loving that he is top dog in their eyes. I instead have them read, write, or color. I read a book (surprised?) that suggested this as a way to get children to love reading. Just take away the TV option and all the rest of the pieces will fall into place. It has been a week and I have caught my children reading books with such a look of joy on their faces. Although this is not something I want them to know I know just yet as I am not too liked and it may backfire if they know this was my true purpose after all.

Aspen has been getting a lot of babysitting jobs lately and for that I am thankful. I think it is great she is able to make her own money and she has been putting it away in savings. I am bursting with pride. I need to learn from her.

Most of the illness is out of my house. Micah has what looks like the same thing as his sisters had, but he is coming out of it rather nicely. A few more days and then it should be over. After that there will be nobody left in this house that can catch it. Praise God!

Funny story. As stated in an earlier post, my son has been taking off his diaper a lot! We figured it was time to potty train and bought a little boy potty for him. He thinks it is a place to hold his toy cars, but at least he is not scared of it. Well... I have been putting him to bed nearly fully dressed each night so as to keep him from getting to his diaper and making a huge mess. I did this last night and when I walked into his room this morning i could tell something was wrong. It stunk so bad! I turned on the light and yelled for my husband to get in there and help me. My little escape artist had managed to take off his clothing and diaper and had taken what looked like a babyruth poo in the middle of his bed. My husband told me to grab Micah while he cleaned up the bed (knowing that poo is not something I like to deal with) Blame it on the early morning fog, but my husband lifted up the mattress to get the sheet off and the poo went a flying! I heard the sick THUD as it hit the floor and split into sections. Pieces rolling everywhere. Well, I was out of there as fast as my legs could carry me. Need to duck tape that diaper on him! Is that considered legal?

That is all for now

As a mother you are expected to make sure that the things get done that should be done. Teeth need to be brushed, dinner on the table, homework checked over, laundry folded and put away in the right locations, house straighted, and kids driven to school. But, what happens when mommy gets sick?

My oldest daughter is know for not getting sick. Her record is 4 years since the last illness! So the other day she was acting a bit funny and not making any since. I checked her temp only to find she was a hundred and 3.5! Now the hard part was getting her to go to bed and rest. She is stubborn and refuses to believe anything is wrong with her at all. Then the throwing up started. This is one of any mothers most dreaded things, right below pooing everywhere.

So, once again I called up my now favorite Dr in the whole wide world, Dr Bean, and explained what was happening. Her sister just had Phenomia, and they share a room. Could Aspen have caught it from her? He got me in right away. She just has the stomach flu thank heavens, but no fun just the same. He gave her some medicine that knocked my stubborn girl right out. She slept for 5 hours!

I thought I had it all under control. Jordan was nearly better, Micah has no symptoms at all, and Aspen was resting and will be better in no time. Then it happened! I woke up and hurt all over. I checked my temp to find that I was well into the 100s. I could hardly get out of bed, but knew that Jordan needed help getting ready and her lunch was needing to be fixed. I just wanted to cry! I prayed that I could just make it through the morning and then have Aspen help me take care of Micah. But wait! Aspen is sick too, and would be of no help for me. So, I did what I thought was best and put on Micahs Monster truck movie that would keep him busy for 2 hours, and I laid down on the couch, cried, and fell asleep.

I woke up when he threw his sippy cup on my head leaving a small bruise on my temple. His movie was over and he was wanting my full attention now. I felt even worse than I did that morning, but he is only 1 1/2 and all my trying to reason with him left him looking confused.

I ended up reading him a few books, and singing a lot of songs before he was contented enough to go play with his train set in his room for half an hour.

Aspen on the other hand had gotten up and was moaning and groaning about her tummy hurting and could I help her make soup? We made some homemade chicken and rice soup because I had no cans that would do.

As I stood over the hot stove cooking the soup, I started feeling like throwing up. So I ran to the toilet and missed it. I now have it all over the floor, and some more on the walls. More work to do in a bit. Right now I had to get back to the soup that needed stirring.

So, back at the stove I was. I had informed Aspen to avoid the bathroom because I needed to tend to it later. At this point I remembered I had to wash Jordan a pair of shorts for school tomorrow. She had been so sweet and asked me to wash them because all her friends were wearing the same thing tomorrow. I now had laundry that I would have to struggle through so as to not disappoint my little one. GREAT!

The straw that finally broke the mommys back was while Micah was in there playing so nicely with his new train set he took off his pants and diaper (see where I am heading?) I went to check on him only to find him (and half his room) covered in what looks like guacamole, but in no way smelt like it. AGHH

I put him in the tub, took some more medicine for my rising temp and cried again.

Aspen was now unable to eat her food because of the horrible smell filling the house. I put it in the fridge for later.

After cleaning bathroom and Micahs bedroom I was no longer able to stand without my head pounding. I laid Micah down for a nap, put Aspen back to bed, and tried to close my eyes for a minute. HAHA

Instead of a rest I got 4 phone calls and a repair man in my house fixing a leak I had called in a week ago. Oh, and dinner is getting taken care of. I am defrosting a yummy meatloaf from a friend. It is at these moments that I am thankful for the cooking club!

Then it is off to pick up my middle child from school and go over her homework and oversee the chores.

I feel for my hubby when he comes home because I am locking myself in the bathroom and taking a long bath. Then I am going to bed!

Lord, please be with my family and all the sickness that is in it right now. I pray that I can get back on my feet quickly. My family needs me to be at my best and not sick. Be over all the people we have been around lately and help them to not catch any of our illness.

San Diego

We got back from Sad Diego on Saturday, and it is so true what they say "You need a vacation from your vacation". I love my children, honest! Anyone who knows me will tell you that, yes, I am a bit scatter brained, but I do love my children.

Having said that.... I came back from this trip with the only thought running through my head being "get away from the children!" What was supposed to be a 6 hour car ride took over 9 hours because my children needed bathrooms and food and stretching, etc. I know that I should have been planning on these little stops, but I did not think it would be every 30 minutes. My in-laws are great, but they gave in way too many times to my children. Anytime Micah would whimper they would pull into the nearest stop and get him goodies. What that is teaching my child would make any mother cringe.

We stayed at the most beautiful hotel on Coronado Island. We had our own kitchen and huge tub and private bedroom. The girls slept on a huge fold out couch and Micah in a crib. While I was unpacking, I noticed Jordan had a bit of a cough. As I listened throughout the night it got worse and worse. The next morning there was a fever along with the cough.

I flashed back on the Disney trip where Jordan and I walked around Disneyland while everyone else rode rides because she was unable to do so. I just knew if she got sick it would be mommy home with Jordan while everyone else went sailing and to the beach and bike riding along the cost. So I prayed. Please don't let this be a bad thing Jordan has.

Later that day she seemed better, and we went bike riding and to the beach and out to a very cool restaurant. All seemed ok.

When we got back to our room the coughing started again. I started thinking "is this her trying to get attention now because she got attention earlier for being ill?" I sat down with her and we read a story and talked for awhile. I ran her a bath and she was still coughing. hmmmmm.

After she went to sleep I checked her temp again and it was 103. WHAT? How could she have gotten so high and me not know it? I woke her up and gave her the dye free Tylenol and some cool water. She went to sleep right after with no problems. She woke up the next morning coughing so hard she threw up. I found myself asking why now? We are supposed to be on vacation and not sick!

The 2 of us stayed in that day while everyone else had fun on the beach. We did order 100 dollars of room service though and sit on the bed and eat and drink and veg on old I Love Lucy shows. all in all, not too bad of a day. Plus, I did not get sand in my bum.

Long story short, we stayed away from the outside activities as much as possible due to her cough and not wanting to get the rest of the world sick from whatever she had.

on a different note, Micah spent a lot of time with his grandpa. Grandpa would knock on our door at 7 am wanting the boy to come out and play with him. It was so sweet, but now my boy is a rotten terror. He is starting preschool in a few weeks and I fear he may get kicked out. But my boy had a blast. He did not like the water at all this year, but maybe next year he will.

Back to Jordan. We got back home and she still had fever and a huge cough followed by vomiting. I called the doctor first thing Monday morning. I already have been wanting to switch doctors because I hate dirty offices and rude nurses and doctors who really don't listen to you, but when I got an answering machine saying they were out that day I decided it was time to act. My daughter Aspen has a friend who's dad is a doctor (Dr. Bean) He has been telling me that night or day I could call him if I needed anything. I called him up and they got me in the office in an hour. WOW! I am switching all 3 kids there now. She ended up seeing Dr. Delp, who used to go to the church I attend. He is just awesome with kids. We had to get x-rays, and found out that my daughter has been walking around with pneumonia. I felt so bad for her. School is starting right around the cornor so I am rushing to get her better so she wont miss any days.

She is getting better now that she has the rest and meds.